I guess I’m glad I suffered like that. Wait, what??

If you could offer a one sentence summary of suffering that you’ve experienced, what would you say?

This question was asked of me the other day. Would you believe that it was the one and only time this question has been asked of me, like ever?

I’ll admit, I was a bit caught off guard. Fortunately, it was not a question asked face to face wherein I would be compelled to just think out loud as I often do, stumbling over my words as I often can. I’m an outward processor and I don’t love that about myself As I can often simply Speak until I know what I’m thinking. It’s clumsy to be sure. Sometimes I’m sharp on my feet. Often times I am not. So, I’m glad that this question was asked within the security of the Facebook Messenger platform. Additionally, it was a conversation with a trusted friend of several years. So yea, I had time and took the time to pause a bit and process what I made into a profound and contemplative exercise.

Many of you know that I wrestled with a nasty and aggressive cancer a while back. This is the experience my friend was asking me to summarize. Yes, I’m clean and clear of it all for now, and yes, there isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t think about it and even get all up in my head about it. It was life altering. It was certainly a dark valley. It was hell on earth, dare I say. I’m not sure what hell is like, and I don’t intend to find out, but if I had to guess, my experience with cancer was a snapshot of it. Maybe I’m being dramatic. The cancer experience certainly sucked. That is for sure. There I go again, processing out loud again. By the way, that wasn’t my answer given to my friend.

“If you could offer a one sentence summary of the suffering you’ve experienced, how would you describe it?”

After 10 minutes of staring into the sky, and yes, processing out-loud in the cafe where I was working, I came up with this answer:

“While I wouldn‘t wish such an experience on my worst enemy, I wouldn’t change a thing because it was within this experience that I became a better version of who I believe God has been shaping me to become and while it was all so miserable indeed, I’ve got to believe that the better version of me is a better deal for me, for my wife, my kids and the world around me.”

No, I‘ve not lost my mind and no, I don’t desire suffering. No right-minded and sane human being would ever invite suffering, loss, hurt, or disappointment into their own lives or the lives of their family. I’m simply saying that as I look in the review mirror of where I have traveled these past couple of years, I can remember an exclusive and simple attention and alignment given to God like I’ve never fully experienced before in all of the years leading up to this difficult season.

Yes, there was physical hardship. Yes, we experienced periods of hopelessness. Yes, my wife and kids were confronted with fear and loss, and yes, my heart hurts to even think about the pain that came over them During that season. Yes, there were many nights of doubt, disappointment, and despair that we all experienced and yes, I questioned what God was up to. Let’s get all of those assumptions out the way.

But true faith, we have discovered, isn’t really faith until it’s all you have left to hang on to and when you experience this kind of faith, there is something liberating that overwhelms you. When you are confronted with the reality that there is absolutely nothing you can do to change your clear and present situation, letting go and letting God becomes radically simple. Don’t hear what I’m not saying - simple is not easy, it’s just not as hard as you might think. Everything you thought was important and perhaps contributed to your happiness, wholeness, or contentment, was really just window dressing. It wasn’t foundational. God was, is, and will be. God keeps the house together and suffering can remind us of this and pull together the raw materials needed to build our faith foundation back together again.

In other words, during my season of suffering, God became my single life-support. He was the source and supply of all that I needed for my well being, identity and purpose. He was and is the source and supply of anything I hope for my wife Becky and my family and even the immediate community around me.

When I contextualize my suffering like that, I guess I’m glad I suffered like that. What an audacious statement! It seems ridiculous still even after I re-read what I just typed. Still, it’s my new reality and as you read, I hope it can be yours as well.

The question for you is this: How would you summarize your season of suffering in one sentence? Is God the subject of that summary sentence?

If you’ve known me for any amount of time, you would know that I’m a big fan of Tim Keller, (American Pastor and author). In his book, Hope in times of fear; the Resurrection and the Meaning of Easter, Keller writes this beautiful paragraph offering some final perspective on going through the hard things of this world:

“There are the good things of this world, the hard things of this world, and the best things of this world—God’s love, glory, holiness, beauty. The Bible’s teaching is that the road to the best things is not through the good things but usually through the hard things, as Jesus himself shows us in Philippians 2:5–11. There is no message more contrary to the way the world understands life or more subversive to its values.”

So, may you find God’s goodness and grace in the hard things in life, in your season of suffering, whatever and wherever it is. And may you release your grip on whatever you‘re holding tight to in order to open your hands to receive God’s love, glory, holiness and beauty.

My prayer for you during this Holy Week, is that you would agree with the ancient Scriptures wherein James (brother of Jesus) encourages us us to consider ourselves as fortunate when suffering comes our way (1:2). Why? Because, he asserts, it is an opportunity to be molded and shaped into the person God intended you and I to be.

Peace and love to you. Paul