The End of Myself. When God Doesn't Make Sense

Last week, I had the opporutnity to speak to a group of young adults, and it reminded me of Chapter 21 in my book Devout in Doubt.

I realized that chapter speaks perfectly to what many of you are walking through right now.

So I decided to post it as an encouragement, for anyone who’s in that in–between place of questions, waiting, or wondering what God is up to.

Stay encouraged. You’re not alone.

October 20, 2020.

Good day to you. Thank you for faithfully standing with Becky and me during this crazy and uncertain season.

So I was reflecting this morning a bit on my high school sporting experience. Tell you why in just thirty seconds. Back in “the day,” I was a 260-pound defensive tackle at Morro Bay High School. Our football team was not so great, only winning a very few games . . . very few. Like, we were terrible!

However, I was also part of the track team, coached by Carey Narreli. This guy was a winning coach coaching both girls’ varsity basketball and the track team. Both teams experienced a great deal of success each year under the leadership and inspiration of Coach Narreli. Coach Narreli had a way of pushing you beyond what you could handle. If I thought I only had two miles in me, Coach had a way of getting more, pushing me to run that extra mile.

I can remember one example where Coach gave his normal routine, running the beach to Morro Rock (a local natural landmark) and back. Usually, we would jump into workouts after that particular “warm-up.”

Not this time. As we approached the school, we heard Coach Narreli yelling, “Keeping running, let’s knock out one more mile!” and sending us to the field surrounded by a quarter-mile track.

I was spent.

I was exhausted.

I had nothing left in me.

In my mind, there was no way I could run one more mile but somehow did. Ever been pushed beyond what you thought you could handle? Yeah, me too! Honestly, I’m exhausted and spent even as I type this. Today I start round four of chemotherapy, and there is not a whisper of excitement in me over it. I’m literally DONE with this process. I get that it needs to happen. I get that it’s a process that is not only going to make me physically better, it’s also making me mentally and spiritually stronger.

I get it.

But today, I’m done. I cannot run one more metaphorical mile. Here is the word that God has given me this weekend. We don’t typically find out what God can really do in us until we run out of our own resources. I’ve lived enough life to experience this spiritual reality.

Paul the Apostle promises this reality in Philippians 4:13, where he offers a promise that we can do all things through Jesus, who is the true source and supply of the strength that we need, regardless of context or circumstance.

When you’ve come to the end of yourself, that is where you usually find Jesus, and all of the resources of Heaven, waiting for you. This is the promise for me and you this morning. This is what I’m claiming today. I’m asking God to supply what I cannot give myself. I have nothing today. Asking God to provide what I need to not just survive, but thrive.

This is the way of Jesus.

So round four begins today. Not ready physically but gaining strength spiritually, thank God. Praying that over you as well today.

Peace & love to you all.. Paul

God has a purpose for your pain, a reason for your struggle, a reward for your faithfulness. Don’t give up. - Dave Willis

Scripture reading.

I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13 (NIV)

Reflection. We don’t typically find out what God can really do in us until we run out of our own resources. When you’ve come to the end of yourself, that is where you usually find Jesus, and all of the resources of Heaven, waiting for you. He won’t force himself on you. You need to ask God for this kind of strength.

Prayer. God, I need you to be my source and supply of strength today. Give me what I need to not just survive, but even survive today. Amen.